Monday, April 30, 2007
一早，坐在客厅里看着这个家，我哭了。
走在上学的路上，我不禁掉下了眼泪。
哈哈，我想我是第一个一大清早就先哭的人吧。
面对这些压力，
这个家，
那间学校，
这堆功课，
这样的成绩，
这样的生活，
我哭了。
我好害怕。
我能撑多久。
我任了。
这么大的地球哪里才容得下我能??
也不知道为什么，我这几天好象哭了很多。
就算没有人，没有事，我还是会情不自禁地掉泪。
好累好累。today econs tutorial so pei sei, mrs koh was at the back … I was ask to answer a question, the teacher was asking what type of tax … I was like, oh no tax also got different kind de meh … haha, can see that I didn’t study … anyway everyone was like making the ‘sssss’ sound very loudly, I was thinking they all ‘ssss’ for what, then mr tan was like you all can dun so obvious, i was still stunned there, I was thinking very obvious meh, I still dun know wad kind of tax lo, then adil was like cannot stand it, he was in-front, he told be specific tax, then I rmb there is such thing as specific tax, I was like ohhh … haha … then suaily, when I went vista to practice piano today, I saw koh, haha … why IJ teacher now like to go vista so much, last week I just saw our VP eating at vista lolz …
tml labour day, I dun wanna go out, I dun wanna stay at home, how?? Haiz … I very lazy to go out, but staying at home wont make me any better, haiz …
I am now not in the state to think, I forget wad I wanna say liao, haiz … end here ba …
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
9:37 PM
Sunday, April 29, 2007
为什么又哭了呢?
或许只有这样才能发泄情绪吧。
躲进自己的世界里哭。
我快疯了。
我整个人快活活的被撕开了。
我到底还能撑多久。
所有的事都是我的错
饶了我吧。
我快放弃了。
我求求你们。
我活得很累了。
放过我吧!
我不是万能的。
我不想在多说了，就这样。
素庄
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
4:28 PM
Saturday, April 28, 2007
我想我是第一个做功课做到哭的人吧。
真是的。
对这种情形我真的不知所错，也不知从何说起。
好烦呀。
在学校，在家里，都一样。
不知为什么。
感觉上好象真的无法呼吸。
没有东西是我期待的。
在学业，在钢琴，所有小小的东西我都希望能做到就好。
眼前的这堆功课，不知从何做起，也做不好。没有一样东西我做的好。
就连最渺小的东西也一样。
我根本不知该如何过这样的日子。
好累好累。
我什么都希望能不要管。
这样的生活我不知该如何说。
千言万语。
我干嘛跟自己呕气。
我不会形容也说不出。
在学校，在家里，都要装得很坚强。
就算有什么也没没人说，没人出气。
跟本没有自己的世界。
就当我在说废话吧。
在说下去也没意义，到就后所有的东西也还不是都要吞到肚子里去。
素庄加油，走到了这里，你也只能坚强的走下去，就算很辛苦也没办法。
不用管我。
好累好累。
总觉得无能为力。
就算掉眼泪也不会让别人看到的。
素庄
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
5:45 PM
Friday, April 27, 2007
enough of all thisi am flaring up toou are not the onli one irritatedi really dun know how to work wif u i am gg madeveryone sawwad is yur attitude man like shiti should be the one angrybut u juz run offas if it is my problem like thateveryone was mumbling ai ya je like that de lai really dun know wad to do wif u i am not as free as u sayi am already latei am not in the state myselfhow do u expect me to hear u tokingor even grumblingpls lai had my life lou juz ignore me like i am transparenti wait till sevenn go offpls lai got stuff first4get iti dun wanna say anymorei am just venting that's all~
everything is so .....
haiz ....
all the U-grad, i had enough
>thanks for rushing to malaysia juz to help me buy a book... thanks alot.>a hi that mean so much i got nth to say, tatas.
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
8:44 PM
Thursday, April 26, 2007
i really dun know how to describe today ... haiz ... haiz ... haiz ...
i dun know wad to say ... it's juz so... haiz ...
another U grad ... haiz ... wad's wrong ... why all the grad like that ... i dun even know how should i break the news ... haiz ...
i dun know it juz went wrong that's all ...
mum fall down till very serious ... see doc till 200 plus ... i also dun know wad to say ...
saw one of the malay guy in 4/4 ... but i juz simply forget his name ... i was think along the line that the name got H and Q ... finally after half an hour later i rmb his name is hiqal ... i was like dotz ... b'cos during this half an hour i come up with all sorts of funny name ... haha ... can see that i am starting to forget le ...
i dun know ... my feeling is so messy now ... haiz ...
since small i didnt really know the meaning of comforting someone.dang ni wun wo wei he mei you qu guan xin guan xin ta shi,wo bu zhi ru he shi hao.cong xiao, wo die dao shi ta ye cong lai mei you guan xin wo.huo xu he da jia bu yi yangdan wo cong xiao bu shi bei he hu zhang da debi shui dou da de duodie dao shi, ta zhong shi bu huang bu mang di ma wowo shi zai yi ge ren wei die dao shi zi ji cuo de huan jing zhang da deshuo yi dui wo er yan gen ben bu xu yao guan xinshi ni zhi ji bu xiao xin chai die dao deni wei he zai mei yuan wo bu guan xin ni nezhe shi ni cong xiao jiu jiao wo de dao li yadie dao le zhi ji pa qi laini cong lai dou bu lai fu woshuo yi wo ye bu zhi gai zhen yang zuozai ni shuo wo de tong shi, ni you xiang guo cong xiao ni ru he dui dai zhe zhong qing xing mathat's y i dun know wad to do or how to doyou taught me that, so pls dun forgetwo bu shi zai mai yuan hai shi shen mezhi xiang rang ni zhi daozhe yang de xing ge shi yin wei zhe yang de huan jing cai you dewo bu zhi dao, ni shi bu shi zai shen wo de qidan wo bu shi gu yi de huo zhe shi wo duo xin le bani zai shuo wo mahao xiang zhen de gao bu qing chu zhuang kuangbu zhi shi bu shi du le wo de blogtoday in pw lesson she suddenly juz say sorryshe was apologizing for her last week behaviouri was lik eoki am really fine wif it as long as she dun grumbledun vent yur anger wif meany dissatisfaction say it out when the gp is theredun wait till all the guys are gonen u start venting all yur anger on mei am not there to let u vent angerso wad is i am the leaderpls la i cant make decision as n when i wantu told me to be decisivebut i had to ask others of opnion tooit is not fair if i make all the decision n others dun agreepls think in my shoeeveryone agree on iti cant juz change juz becaouse of u and change juz because i likei need to ask the others firstso pls stop grumbling at methere is nth i can do ...i cant juz change it so that i can stop hearing u grumblepls lawe are all stressed upu are not the onli one kkzspare mei had enoughdun smile as n when u like, n grumble as n when u likei dun know, sometimes u juz say it unknowinglyi am really very tiredor should i saysick of thisnth is gg rightmy result suxwad can i do wif itit's juz so sadi dun wan thisit's juz so .... i am really very sad abt iti feel so helplesshaiz4get iti really dun know wad to say*sobs*SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
7:19 PM
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
i am very tired, jog 13 rounds today, my leg hurts.
recieve teo U grad in one day *sobs*, haiz it is so discourage, so sad, i really got study, i got everything mix up, haiz. i fail till very badly for my first chem and bio test. haiz ... i dun know, dissapointed ba, mr wong also very dissapointed wif us, our class should be the best class, at least all of us come in wif better pt than other class, but we score lower than the H1 students, haiz why i do so badly, ai yo. i dun know la, i dun even dare to tell my parents my mark, it so lan, haiz.
i am really exhaust out le, i had been feeling so tired, near the afternoon i already start dreaming le, ai yo.
jia you jia you =D
yesterday mr tan didnt come, so mrs koh take over the lesson, we are all tensed up, like a bomb gg to drop down any second like that, my heart skip abit when she is about to ask the next person to ans the quetstions(i think everyone feels so too), she ask the question ask till very deep, everyone is fumbling, but i think onli three people need to do essay. she ask till sherry cry, if i am in her shoe i will cry too, it is just so stressful, i already dun know how we gg to adapt after tan go off. i was sheltering koh back to main block, she ask me alot of question, i just smile and didnt really ans, just say very stressed up that's all. alot of us are near to tears, i dun know, i had been feeling very stressed up too, alot of teachers come in say got high expectation of u, ai yo.
yesterday was walking home, the rain was very heavy, so lots of water splash on my shoe, n u know wad, my maid didn’t wash my shoe properly all the foam come out, the first thing I reach home is complain to my mum, haha, my maid get scold till like siao. My skin had been peeling off like nobody’s business recently, now I know why. stupid sia make me go buy two new shoes on sunday, it thought my shoe got problem, ai yo (dad xin tong xin tong, haha).
i think i sprain my leg, haiz, i can feel the pain when i am walking, it got worst today, haiz. it hurts.
many many many hmwk...
Ok it is very sadding, it is onli the start of the week, haiz. nvm, look on the bright side, 0nli 3 more days to go.
Su Zhuang jia you, add oil add oil.
-STRESSED-
>only when u acknowledge and learn from your mistake, then u can succeed!
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
7:25 PM
Thursday, April 19, 2007
i am really very angry, my day is spoil because of one stupid person. the first day when i know we in same gp i know nth gd will happen. i know u very stressed up, but pls i am not those kind of person u can vent yur anger on. i had no such patient, the truth is i really feel like smacking u man. all u do is grumble all day, i am damn irritated man, nvm, the worst part is i hate sitting nxt to you, i juz cant understand y u like to shake yur leg so much, the whole chair is shaking in LT, i think u also know i had been trying to avoid u. but suai enough we were put in the same gp, i was thinking maybe things would be better, but i seems that i was wrong. for wadeva stupid reason u had, u were grumbling, then jf was kind enough to call u stop grumbling, we are all irritated ok, then u were on the edge of tears, let me tell u he were kind enough to entertain u trying to make u laugh, if i were him, i would hack care u man, nvm then when two guys are cooling u down, u keep telling them mind their own buisness, that is very rude man. so i was thinking no point wasting time, we are all so busy, so i told the two of them to continue discussing, then u juz shoot one word to scold everyone, i tell u i really feel like scolding u lo, u dun wan them to comfort u, i told them to continue, in the first place we did nth wrong to you, who the hell do u think u are venting yur anger on us. the atmosphere change until damn weird, then we try to discuss but everyone was not in the mood, then jf was saying rest for five mintues first let everyone cool off. i am really very irritated and yur attitude sux man, this is the second time in one month that i almost quarrel wif u, dun test my patient, i had enough from u, i always think that we had two more years together that is why i try to hold back my anger, but u went too far. no one tell u that yur attitude sux doesnt mean we approve or even like yur grumble. ya u are very busy, it's sport season, sport's day coming, u got lots of stuff, but hey, we are not free too. i know u very busy, juz because i didnt grumble like u do that doesnt mean i am very free, do i have to list down the things i had, ya i had not much activity in school, but i got course gg on, i got lesson to go, i had two CCA, alto i know my CCA not as busy as yours, but saying that i am free is too much, i had a busy time preparing for the concert ok. i had already try to avoid u as much as i can, we in same gp i dun know is i suai or u suai, but if this goes on i really dun know wad i will do, i already tell some pple from the first day i already thought of telling teacher that i wanna change group. i dun care whether u are reading or not, but i had enough, some day or another i am really gg to lose my temper on you.srry i type a whole chunk, haha.
anyway thanks py for yur choco altho i didnt tell u anything but it makes me feel better toking crap la, haha. waste alot of yur time =p.
hmwk not alot, actually should phrase another way there isnt much hmwk to hand in tml, and i already had a mountain of hmwk to be done during the weekend. lazy~
the speaker is quite funny today.
lesson was all quite ok.
i am now not in the right mind to say anything, so end here. tatas.
headache,
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
7:24 PM
Wednesday, April 18, 2007
even gillian also fail chem test, i think no one will pass le lo.
voted to be the pw leader, which means more work, haiz. anyway i already warn them not to regret le haha, no choice my whole group make up wif busy pple. one is pacer rap cum hse leader cum cca captain, one is council cum NPCC cum icon, another one is council cum icon, council very busy so no choice left me(icon cum choir cum shooting, oh ya i still got piano) ... haha, busy pple in busy group, LOLz.
dun know wad is wrong wif my sch website, ai yo.
later gg to piano.
today not much hmwk. i am aching all over. tml still got interval, haiz.
i miss everyone, all the old friends, old times. anyway all the poly pple jia you too =].
ma vie ma façon ... JIA YOU !!! two more days to go.
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
7:07 PM
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Haiz, bio n chem. test no hope liao. Bio test all the carbon I go right hydrogen, and it leads to many questions, so it is like half the marks gone le, all the theories I also dun know. Then that chem. Is killing, I dun even know how to do a question, I juz calculate mole for all the qn, die liao. Some pple end up crying. It is so demoralizing haiz.
Five more weeks to go, chem prac, how the hell am I gg to seat for this test, aiyo.
All the teacher had been saying once pw starts we will get real busy. I was like, I already busy till one day sleep five hrs onli liao lo. Haiz.
Today pe is like siao de lo. We did ard 200 jumping jacks, and a few of this and that, then the rain stop and we end up running four rounds, my leg feels like cracking up lo. The guys worst, haha. Crazy me still acc mum go jog, jog one round ard the black track then go vista park, so juz settle down lo. Then today morning still jog five rounds. My leg now is really cannot move liao lo, haha.
Sometimes I really feel like giving up.
I had been pushing myself.
I really feel that it is the limit le.
Wad gg to happen.
I haven been doing well.
There is so much things gg on.
How I wish I could sleep longer.
I am really lacking sth.
My head are splitting into half.
I am really very very very tired.
Wad the hell is gg on.
I dun understand a single things.
I am getting frustrated wif all my work.
Nth make sense to me.
I got so many things to do, so many thing yet not done.
So much hmwk..
Bless me man.
had been blogging quite alot lately=]
a way of toking out ba.
ok muz mug hard~
Jia you,
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
9:57 PM
Monday, April 16, 2007
today quite suai ... left my shoe-bag in sch, i was like shit, rush back to sch, ran from P3-1 to LT1 to SR3, i was so worried, in the end found it in the GO. the feeling so like, heng ar, the stone is removed, lolz. almost got a fright out of my life.
jem cried all of the sudden in math tutorial today, she very stressed up. i should say all of us are stressed up. all the topic is like half-bucket, juz couldnt sort it right, very anxious. i understand it is like 4 months le, we should get use to it long ago, but it is like really exhausting us out la. sh was saying she also wanna cry le. then i was saying muz well everyone also cry suan le, lolz. i was once telling someone that u can never be a perfectionist in JC, u will die like siao, dun even dream to sleep lo.
had chem test tml, hope it goes well, teacher had been hinting for along time that it will be very difficult. bio test tml too, i dun even understand a thing, how to test lo, haiz. to be truthful the working load is driving me mad, alto i had sufficient sleep, but i am mentally exhaust out man. feel like *toot*, hahas.
i didnt haf coffee today, my head feels like it is cracking up all morning, i was so restless. had a coffee during lunch, n i feel so much better all of a sudden, oh no i am addicted le. it makes a difference.
econs wif mr tan is so fun, the atmosphere is so weird wif koh inside, today she left everyone was like phew, lolz. i wonder wad would happen to our econs lessons wif koh.
the stock fever is high in my family nowadays, hahas.
i am so stressed n she is tempting me haiz. control. she tok very loud, hehe, but ok la, i am too busy to be distracted by her.
sat i went back to chr carnival, it is so much better than innova's, but alot of pple was saying last year better, so sad i dint get a chance to stroll ard last year, we were busy wif test-tubes. see alot of teachers n frenz, many of them went back. i miss choo choo n 4/4 so much. miss all the old times. all the jogging, haha.
the step after the ouch!! it really wakens me, it takes something to succeed.
i got so much to do, mugging hard.
anyway good luck to those who is gg to poly, happy schooling, hahas.
more than words~
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
10:17 PM
Friday, April 13, 2007
juz some anti-thesis: be cazy to learn and learn to be crazy. i tried my best k, lolz.
today, today, today is a special day. it's international friendship day and of cos friday the thirteen. wad a coincidence, haaha.
icon was fun today. new experiences. tml gg back sch awhile wif qiqi , n to c how the carnival goes, i am broke.
it wont hurt to try.
wad lesson would u wanna tell someone if u r gg to die tml??
the step after the OUCH!!
cell, carbohydrates, lipids, proteins, plasma membrane, enzyme, wad the ***.
homework homework it's JC life.
muz start saving money, i am gg to order harry potter =].
i forget wad i wanna say that's it. tatas.
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
7:14 PM
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
my butt hurts.
had been very very busy. end sch seven almost everyday, except for today. come home got tonnes of hmwk. haven had enough sleep. my eyes r closing now. the work are never finish. lots of things coming up. test. trips. alot of overseas trip coming up, how i wish i can go.
piano started. will be practicing 3 days a week. it's gg smoothly.
i dun like her, she juz throw her temper when she is tired or wad. feel like quarreling wif her de lo, but same class, haiz, really testing my patient. she like to grumble, and mumble, as if i know wad she toking like that. i juz dun like her la, so suai same class as her. she is always complaining abt something.
econs pass by abit, at least i pass. mr tan is right in saying that 'If you do well for this 1st test, you will be encouraged to do well for the next test too. Basic psychology, but it WORKS.'
compo all do until very lan, so discouraging.
PE kills me.
my dear bro would call when ... or when he got no one to tok to, how kind.
stressed~
all the work are driving me mad. i hardly got time for any other things.
two more days. jia you.
concert coming up. timing messed up. i dun even know my schedule. staying back almost everyday.
busy, busy, busy~ mugging.
ok shall stop here. i very tired also lazy to type out everything. dozing off soon, hope i can get a good full sleep tonight, haven been able to have enough sleep.
-to be or not to be. that is a question-
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
3:58 PM
Friday, April 06, 2007
it's good friday, thanks wy.
later gg out a little while, my family also out.
lots to do.
dun vent yur anger on me, i am not the type of person that u can vent anger on.
mug hard~
saw gab today, miss her so much =]
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
9:41 AM
Thursday, April 05, 2007
today after PE leg blue-black. every pe lesson muz have blue-black some where. haiz.
juz settle down, got back quite late today, but i am energetic now, cos tml no sch. tml so many programme which one to go. hmmm.
anyway it's mama b'dae tml.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!
steamboat?? hmmm ...
tired~
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
9:07 PM
Wednesday, April 04, 2007
how i wish i could go London.
got lots of hmwk, but no mood to do anything, i am in a mess, i dun know where to start, i am tired, i hate PT, my eyes are closing, but i still need to force myshelf to be awake. i am not in the mood to do anything. haven had a good sleep this week. my hmwk n work load r so much that i dun know where to start and how to do. i am at a loss. i lost track of all my work, all the tutorial, all the lesson. things are coming in like bullet train, n i dun like to accumulate things, but i got no time to finish all. flare up. my hmwk are all half bucket.
i say i wanna go ruby, but yesterday got course, tml got econ test how to go.
i think i need to change the course time, all my time are clashing.
gd friday holiday, ya, all thanks to this holiday we are having lots of make up lesson nxt week, i think nxt week i will be home late almost everyday.
a concert coming up, all the preparation.
all the test. i am so frastrated. i dun understand the lesson. i got problem in my work. how to have test. i cant even catch up n now they tok abt test. all the test are up this week n nxt week. fri, sat, sun stay at home n mug hard ba. i really got lots to do.
pk saw how mad i was today, that always happen when i am very tired, haha.
it is driving me mad. how i wish i can have a good sleep.
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
8:36 PM
Tuesday, April 03, 2007
juz got home, can imagine my life ...
bursting~
it's getting busier, haiz.
i got blue-black on my hand, all thanks to PE, thursday still got haiz, stupid NAPFA.
i love my class. n of cos fahrenheit too. haha.
things are getting messy, i got stuck here n there, i am very tired, i still got a whole mountain of homework. gambate.
the course is very fun, piano start this week too.
busy, busy, busy~
i think the earliest i can get home on weekend is five, so sad. all my time are mix out, this is onli the first week.
join touch ruby for my NYAA. hehe.
bye. mug hard.
O n thanks sherry.
SZ
-To be or not to be, that's a question-
8:24 PM
